A troubling thing

Those of you who know me have often got to know me through music. The rest have probably seen me do something musical at some point.

So here’s the troubling thing. I don’t know what I feel about music. I can’t say I hugely enjoy listening to it. I quite like playing it. I might like composing it. Again for those who’ve known me for long this must be quite a change.

I used to be someone who lived it, breathed it and crafted it (albeit, crudely). I gained many friends through it, traveled a bit because of it, learnt a lot about life by doing it. Now I’m fairly apathetic. I rarely listen out for new music. I occasionally relive my teens through older music. Which is marginally better than a couple of years ago when I hated it. My stomach would churn and I felt a strong sense of nausea when I listened to any music. Those were silent days in our house and the family suffered for it, I think.

Today, I still earn a small income from music. I still play at church. And thankfully people occasionally ask me to play for events and these I enjoy. I think today, the doing as become far more pleasurable than the listening.

In one sense I grieve. For what could have been. In another sense I’d like to get back. And in yet another sense I’d like to move on.

Do you know of any (former) musicians who have ceased in their passion for music?