I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason Indian rock bands don’t make it big, is the simple result of a Sea I Aye plot.
Why would the Sea I Aye be interested denying success to Indian rock? Simple. It’ll be another out-sourcing bogey in corporate america’s nose and it’ll mean another erudite expression of music coming in their own language at them. Who can tame that?
So the motive is established. Now the strategy.
1. Flood the Indian market with bands like Metallica and Iron Maiden. Quite safe politically.
2. Hire a few guys in every city to go to every possible rock concert.
3. Make sure they’re sloshed out of their skulls.
4. Ensure that they stand in front and shout Metallica! Metallica! Iron Maiden! (Note that iron is to be pronounced in the local accent. ‘I run’)
5. If the band takes no notice and keep doing their thing, then hassle the organisers, with blood shot eyes, ‘Aazg dhem to ple sum goood numbezhs, maan.’
6. These protectors of rock should also climb on stage and make a ruckus.
7. If all goes well, bands will generally be discouraged to do their own music.
It’s working so far.
Question: Are you part of the plot or a patriot?